You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

I feel like I'm a big human snot.

I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.

I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, "My boy's got learnin'!"

I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.