My battles with addiction definitely shaped how I am now. They really made me deeply appreciate human contact. And the value of friends and family, how precious that is.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? And George will reply It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!

The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

Incoming is not the thing you want to hear at Christmas.

I used food to make myself feel better, but I felt worse when I ate.

I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am, I'm free!