Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?

My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's where a lot of my comedy comes from. Not only was the maid very funny and witty, but when my mother came home I'd use humour to try and get her attention. If I made mommy laugh, then maybe everything would be all right. I think that's where it [my comedy] all started.

I try to make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.

If women ran the world there would be no wars. However every 28 days there would be some very intense negotiations.

If heaven exists, to know that there's laughs, that would be a great thing.