If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

I love running cross-country...You come up a hill and see two deer going, 'What the hell is he doing?' On a track I feel like a hamster.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.'

Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!

Reality: What a concept!