If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.

You don't need cocaine! There's another way to get real high, and really mess your mind up, it's called marathon running!

I did an event in Washington, and it was like we lifted a sea.Immediately after [9/11], there was a stunned shock - kind of this feeling of "What do we do now?" I started performing, and there was a catharsis in the laughing. People started to be able to laugh again. Laughter can be many things - sometimes a medicine, sometimes a weapon, depending on.

I try to make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.

The world is open for play, that everything and everybody is mockable, in a wonderful way.