Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'

My childhood was really nice. My parents never forced me to do anything; it was always, "If you want to do that, fine." When I told my father I was going to be an actor, he said, "Fine, but study welding just in case."

There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.