I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

Along with the Oscars, the Academy is giving out a green card.

Improv. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running.

A lot of celebrities golf because they want to be away. For them it's a chance to get away and be peaceful. For me it's peaceful to ride [cycling].

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds

It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.