My favorite is when you go to Afghanistan and you meet the special forces guys, and they look like these heavily armed surfers. These guys are the best. You see guys dressed as full Afghans, but then wearing a Yankees hat.

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

My favorite thing to do is ride a bicycle. I ride road bikes. And for me, it's mobile meditation.

The truth is, if anything, I'm probably addicted to laughter.

There's no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.

Bicycles are pieces of art. You get that combination of kinetic engineering, but then, besides the welds, the paint jobs, the kind of the sculpture of it all is quite beautiful. Bikes have such great lines, and all different styles.