The only weapon we have is comedy.

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there.

A lot of celebrities golf because they want to be away. For them it's a chance to get away and be peaceful. For me it's peaceful to ride [cycling].

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

The great thing about marriage is the idea of really getting to know someone. And really getting to know a woman is a life long task.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.