Being alone onstage is like legalized insanity.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.

Just now when I said, "I have a crush on you," you didn't say, "no way loser". I'd rather have a lobotomy by a leper. That means something

When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Seize the day. Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold, and die.