Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

My favorite thing to do is ride a bicycle. I ride road bikes. And for me, it's mobile meditation.

My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's where a lot of my comedy comes from. Not only was the maid very funny and witty, but when my mother came home I'd use humour to try and get her attention. If I made mommy laugh, then maybe everything would be all right. I think that's where it [my comedy] all started.

If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there.

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp

The truth is, if anything, I'm probably addicted to laughter.