I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

There's no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.

You know what music is - a harmonic connection between all living beings.

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

Comedy is acting out optimism.

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."