I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.

Women have so many levels. There's the physical level, which is a lot of fun. There's this emotional level, which is extremely mercurial.

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

I'm an Episcopal, which is Catholic Lite. It's like same religion, half the guilt.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

The human body was designed by a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?

Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.