If women ran the world there would be no wars. However every 28 days there would be some very intense negotiations.

I had to stop drinking alcohol, because I used to wake up nude in front of my car with my keys in my ass.

You'd think all of these "atypical" somethings would add up to a typical something

You can start any 'Monty Python' routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.

All the new people you meet, it's pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.

Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.

One day [when I relapsed] I walked into a store and saw a little bottle of Jack Daniel's. And then that voice - I call it the 'lower power' - goes, 'Hey. Just a taste. Just one.' I drank it, and there was that brief moment of 'Oh, I'm okay!' But it escalated so quickly. Within a week I was buying so many bottles I sounded like a wind chime walking down the street.