If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother

Being alone onstage is like legalized insanity.

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.

Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

One day [when I relapsed] I walked into a store and saw a little bottle of Jack Daniel's. And then that voice - I call it the 'lower power' - goes, 'Hey. Just a taste. Just one.' I drank it, and there was that brief moment of 'Oh, I'm okay!' But it escalated so quickly. Within a week I was buying so many bottles I sounded like a wind chime walking down the street.