I want everyone out there in TV land to touch the TV. Touch the back of the TV and get a shock for Jesus.

If women ran the world there would be no wars. However every 28 days there would be some very intense negotiations.

Ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them I was crazy about them. Once I held them I was hooked. I am addicted to my children sir. I love them with all my heart and the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, I can't see them everyday. Well, it's like someone saying I can't have air.

We are surrounded by a lot of failed ecosystems; the moon being one, Mars, Venus. There’s evidence of water on Mars and rivers and it didn’t take. Also, we have planets to guard us like Jupiter and Saturn that take the hits of the comets. It is miraculous that we exist on this planet, that it took.

You look at the world and see how scary it can be sometimes and still try to deal with the fear. Comedy can deal with the fear and still not paralyze you or tell you that it's going away. You say, OK, you got certain choices here, you can laugh at them and then once you've laughed at them and you have expunged the demon, now you can deal with them. That's what I do when I do my act.

I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am, I'm free!

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.