You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.

The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.

I don't do any corporate work.

I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.

I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.

Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.