I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not.

My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.