I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.

I have had a front row seat to observe Darren's success over the last few years and never fully knew the keys to his achievement. He has unselfishly revealed his secrets with The Compound Effect so that others can learn from his success. In my eyes, it is more valuable than gold!

You can't fix stupid.

My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.

Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.