Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

You can't fix stupid.

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.

Everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level. Ultimately I'm the writer for me, but also anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me and I'm pretty good at helping them get there. I think we all work together on some level, but for the most part, we're on our own.