There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.