I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.

My goal is just to become a better comedian.

In my Comedy Club sets, I just work on what is fresh and try to build that show as long as I can. I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff.

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.