There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.