I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

From the very beginning I started with a beer and a cigarette because I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands. So usually I have a beer and cigarette and that's what I was doing with my hands because that looked natural and felt good.

I don't even plan things until later, so no I got no plans.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.