I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.

There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not.

I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

The biggest piece of advice that I give young comedians is: If it's your goal to get where I'm at, go do something else. Because you'll never get here. Never. The odds are so bad. Because not only do you have to be a really, really strong comedian but you also have to be lucky. And most people don't get that combination.