Apparently I ain't the only cat on the block digs cheetos.

The biggest piece of advice that I give young comedians is: If it's your goal to get where I'm at, go do something else. Because you'll never get here. Never. The odds are so bad. Because not only do you have to be a really, really strong comedian but you also have to be lucky. And most people don't get that combination.

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.

I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar.