I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.

I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.