I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar.

There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

The biggest piece of advice that I give young comedians is: If it's your goal to get where I'm at, go do something else. Because you'll never get here. Never. The odds are so bad. Because not only do you have to be a really, really strong comedian but you also have to be lucky. And most people don't get that combination.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.

I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar.

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.