I don't even plan things until later, so no I got no plans.

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

You can't fix stupid.