I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

One question on hospital admittance forms really gets me. "Sex: Male or Female?" Do I want to be in a hospital where they can't tell the difference?

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!