Where there's a will there's a dead person.

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'