One question on hospital admittance forms really gets me. "Sex: Male or Female?" Do I want to be in a hospital where they can't tell the difference?

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

As a teenager I just wanted to fit in, just to be one of the boys. It was tough. I went to an all black school. I went so far as to have them print my negative in the yearbook. I think it was the black teeth that gave me away.

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.