Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too.

My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell.

The American people are sick and tired of this ‘lesser evil’ garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they’re in office...

There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.