You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

You know when you first get rich, and you, like, just buy everything that you see? I did that for several years. And I have sheds full of things, maybe sometimes nine copies of the same thing.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.