Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.

Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.