Everything that`s written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don`t think there`s anything I can do to stop it.

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.

I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.

I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more.

Part of my platform is, of course, the guilty must be punished and that we no longer let our children see their guilty leaders getting away with murder. Because it teaches children, you know, that they don’t have to have any morals as long as they have guns and are bullies and I don’t think that's a good message. . . . I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty.

Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.

Don't call people names you dirty name caller you.