It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.

Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.

I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.

After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.

I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great.