I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'

After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.

My real life is funnier than anything on TV.

TV is a language all its own, a land of one dimensional stereotypes that destroys culture, not adds to it. TV is anti-art, a reflection of consumerism that serves the power structure. TV is about demographics.