I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.

I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape.

Being nuts is its own reward.

Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead, more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays.

my parents ... had decided early on that all of the problems in my family had somehow to do with me. All roads led to Roseyville, a messy, chaotic town where, as parents, they were required to visit, but could never get out of quick enough or find a decent parking place.