Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead, more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays.

Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

I used to think that communing with nature was a healing, positive thing. Now, I think I'd like to commune with other things - like room service and temperature control.

To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes.