I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice.

They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!

I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

Without democracy in our homes, we will never have it in the world.

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.