My real life is funnier than anything on TV.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones.

I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did.

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.

There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin.