You must never be afraid in New York City, because then you will call bad stuff to you and you will not like it there.

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

I was completely nuts for most of my life.

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.

I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.

I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.