Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones.

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did.

Nobody wanted the "Roseanne" show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.