I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'

My real life is funnier than anything on TV.

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes.

Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.

I've never done anything for money, and that is why I got money. When you do stuff for money, you never get money.

There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind.