As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'

Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.

Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house.

Nobody wanted the "Roseanne" show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.