One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

Abortion is a woman's right.

Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil.

Part of my platform is, of course, the guilty must be punished and that we no longer let our children see their guilty leaders getting away with murder. Because it teaches children, you know, that they don’t have to have any morals as long as they have guns and are bullies and I don’t think that's a good message. . . . I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty.

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

Eating cookies that you bake with your grandmother is one of the greatest social steps one must experience in order to grow up into a decent world citizen, in my opinion.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.