One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought.

I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.

There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.

Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it.

Hollywood is the only place on earth that has more vampires, more undead, more resurrections than a month of Easter Sundays.

I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'