I was completely nuts for most of my life.

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.

Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians.

I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them.

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.