The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.

To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.

Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.

I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too.

I signed a deal with Satan because I wanted to get famous. Then I forgot I had a deal with Satan and then I got really famous.

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.