The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.

Everyone in America (according to my generalizations) is a potential millionaire waiting for his or her big break. I was astonished lately to realize that Americans are definitely believing in and planning for the future, despite the fact that they elected Ronald Reagan twice.

I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

I was not raised a Zionist, but a socialist, as were most Jews before the Holocaust.