The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?

politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses.

Everyone in America (according to my generalizations) is a potential millionaire waiting for his or her big break. I was astonished lately to realize that Americans are definitely believing in and planning for the future, despite the fact that they elected Ronald Reagan twice.

Those who can't do, teach. And, as Woody Allen says, those who can't teach, teach gym. And, as I say, those who can't teach gym become experts. That's who we look to for answers these days-the people telling you how to make your marriage work. Men telling women how to raise their self-esteem. The only thing that cures everything is talking to people who have the same problem you do. The rest is just a moneymaking bullshit scheme that some asshole is getting rich on.