I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear.

I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.

I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.

I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset that I'm not a widow.

Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature.