After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids.

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'

You know what, when I was thin, I thought there was a fat girl trying to get out of me.

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.

my parents ... had decided early on that all of the problems in my family had somehow to do with me. All roads led to Roseyville, a messy, chaotic town where, as parents, they were required to visit, but could never get out of quick enough or find a decent parking place.

I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.