In the new world every position of power evacuated by an arrested and beheaded pedophile or bankster will be filled with a grandmother who has pledged to create heaven on earth for all children, animal and humans with the stolen money we have recovered.

You know when you first get rich, and you, like, just buy everything that you see? I did that for several years. And I have sheds full of things, maybe sometimes nine copies of the same thing.

I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool.

I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool.

My real life is funnier than anything on TV.