In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Impeach the President and the Vice President, they are traitors to America, and so are all of their supporters. Impeach! Anyone in congress who refuses to save our union from these traitors by doing nothing needs to be recalled.

I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.

I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?

I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.